Feathers

Poe had his Raven to symbolize doom and gloom,

Crapping on the statuary and smelling up the room,

Lee had her Mockingbird to epitomize the South

Forbidden to be killed while killing everything else,

Coleridge had the Albatross around his old neck

Reeking of bad luck and questionable judgment,

Stevens had a blackbird, Yeats had a swan,

Tennyson an eagle, Wordsworth a cuckoo,

Shelly a skylark, Twain told a blue jay yarn,

 

And I have a goldfinch flashing yellow on my feeder,

Announcing that summer has returned,

Wonder where he’s spent the winter.

 

Phantasm

Did you see her dancing in the full moonlight

By the wall of the ancient, crumbled castle,

Whirling and jumping in time to a tune

That only she could hear and a rhythm

Only she could feel?

 

Did you see her naked limbs in the night

The blue light flashing with each

Glorious and mysterious move that

Only you could see?

 

Did you recall the last time you saw

This dance, the last time you thought

This dream was real?

 

When you woke up sweating and tried

To recall her name, remember

Her smile, and searched for her the

In the faces of every crowd?

 

Proposed Collectives

A prevarication of politicians

An allegation of lawyers

A diagnosis of doctors

An alibi of perpetrators

A pretense of actors

A guilt of ministers

A deletion of editors

A celibacy of priests

A wishful of gamblers

A memory of liars

A rationalization of criminals

A guffaw of comedians

An egotism of dictators

An abacus of mathematicians

A conundrum of physicists

A prototype of engineers

A whimsy of writers

A presumption of poets

 

The Name of the Quest

The Two sensed there was a better place

So, they left the Indian Land and all they knew

And drifted west to the Kingdom of the Wind

 

And the Wind smiled and gave them shelter

Pointing South to the Realm of Red Rocks

To make their home where the plains met

the Mountains and all the rivers ran East

 

And the years slipped away as they formed

A new life from their love and helped it grow

In body, mind, and shining soul and sent it

Away on its own mysterious quest

 

And the years slipped some more as they

Weathered life’s peaks and valleys, droughts,

Storms and all manner of sadness and pain

 

And they grew older in time still gazing

Ahead to the mythical place of sunshine

Clear skies and perpetual peace

 

Until the morn they looked back

Along their path and saw the place

Was there all the time, and they

Named it Together.

 

Metaphorically

 

A sunset is the master metaphor,

The falling of a curtain, the

Closing of a door, an ending

That is certain, the final

Nevermore, a signal to stand

Down, a reminder that it’s

Time to turn off the light and

Close the door, but

 

A sunset is also a promise that

We can try again tomorrow

And make some new mistakes,

That the score doesn’t carry over

That we don’t face the same,

Tired fate,

 

A sunset reminds us that

Tonight, if we get a well-earned

Rest, we can conquer the world

Tomorrow.

 

Collective Wings

An unkindness of ravens, a murder of crows,

Ebony sentinels on wires in rows,

A convocation of eagles, and exaltation of larks,

Winged assemblies over the parks,

A covey of partridges a bevy of quail,

Hidden in dry grass at the edge of the trail,

A pandemonium of parrots, a muster of peacocks,

Bright lights flashing above the gray rocks,

A covert of coots, a gaggle of geese,

Sounds on the water, a memory of peace,

A rafter of turkeys, a siege of herons,

Keepers of the wilds and the barrens,

A watch of nightingales, a parliament of owls,

Night patrols of the of silent fowls.

 

A Particular Orange

 

Maybe it’s a particular orange in a random sunset or

An old song heard in passing an open door but

I remember you

 

It might be the scent of a storm over the lake or

A touch of a hand or rain on the porch roof but in

The most surprising moments

I remember you

 

It’s a glimpse of a girl that holds her head just so

Or runs her fingers nervously through her hair,

In a strangely familiar habitual way and

I remember all about you

 

My memory is tied to impressions not facts,

It digs in the archives like a blind mole and

Uncovers things unnecessary to recall and

Feelings buried deep, and through the dusty

Shelves of this library of chaos

I remember you.

 

Morning for Squirrels

One squirrel, two squirrels, three squirrels, four,

Picketing silently beyond my back door,

Five squirrels, six squirrels,

Blue jays, hawks, and crows,

Lining up on my fence in rows,

Staring with glares intensive,

Willing me to donate corn and peanuts,

Sunflower seeds and crusts of bread,

Threatening violence if I just go

Back to bed.

 

Rozprawa

I’m not sure anybody will read or want to read this memoir (Rozprawa in Polish), but it is a vehicle to get me to write regularly so it will be worthwhile in that sense. Of course, it will be unique in that no one else has the knowledge or perspective to convey not only the events, but what they meant to me at the time and with distance of years. So be it, and let’s go.

Chapter One

I was born in Michigan City, Indiana on April 23, 1947, at St. Anthony’s Hospital. My father had been discharged from the US Army in 1946. He had been drafted in early 1942 and spent most of the war in the South Pacific fighting the Japanese. So, I was born nine months or so after he came home. I suppose the experience of war emphasized his own mortality and gave him some urgency to pass along his genes. I didn’t know that Michigan City, Indiana was a bit of an oxymoron, but I was vaguely aware that it was a strange name for a town. I later found out that it was named for the Northwest Territory’s Michigan Road between Detroit and Chicago and the town was at the point the road touched Lake Michigan and began following the lake shore to Chicago.

We lived in a two-bedroom apartment at 604 ½ Willard Avenue where it intersected 10th Street. It was a big old house that Mr. and Mrs. Shellenberg owned and lived in the lower level. Everybody called them Mr. and Mrs. Shelly and I remember them as being really nice to me. They had a dog named Brownie that was nice to me too. I remember the stairway up to our place was very steep and when I learned to walk, I took a few bumpy unplanned trips down. The South Shore electric commuter railroad ran down 10th Street and shook the house several times a day, but no one seemed to notice. West down Willard Avenue about ¼ mile was the Indiana State Prison that looked a lot like a white castle with high walls all around it. About a block East down Willard were the stores and flats over them that my great grandfather Fredrick Krueger had built. The largest retail space was on the corner where 9th Street intersected and was the spot where my great grandfather’s grocery had stood before he died, and it was sold to Eddie Linde. The flats were now occupied by Frederick’s five sons. The last flat in the row was occupied by my grandparents, Otto and Louise Krueger. Across the street was a Tavern and the next house down 9th was occupied by my aunt and uncle, May and LeRoy Krueger, and my first cousins JoAnn and Alan.

My early childhood was spent swirling around these places and people since we didn’t move out to the southern suburbs until I had finished first grade and turned seven. Aside from all the relatives, everyone knew each other in the neighborhood and consequently knew me. The only problem with the place was there weren’t many places to play because Willard was a busy street, and the train ran down 10th. I remember playing in the Shelly’s side yard and watching the South Shore rumbling by. My two vivid memories of my pre-school years were burning my hands at three and the death of my other grandfather Vincent Ostrowski at five.

We were over at my aunt and uncles place and Aunt May, who was a great cook, had the oven in the porcelain covered stove going. Alan and I were running, and I slipped throw rug and put my hands out to keep from crashing into the stove. They stuck and I think the sizzled. My Uncle pulled me off, scooped me up, and ran to the Fire Station where Otto was on duty. Otto immersed my hands in a sink full of cold water and then in a vat of some kind of salve. Ever since then I’ve had minimal feeling in my palms and consequently cut and scrape myself without knowing it. I also gained a fear of fire which I’ve never gotten over.

I called my Polish grandfather “djadja” which was a nickname for the word “djadek.” When I was five djadja, who had recently retired, had a heart attack while fishing on the long pier that led to the lighthouse. He was the first dead person I’d ever seen, and I touched his hand in the funeral parlor. I’d never touched anything that cold. The first responders gave my dad the fishing rod they recovered from the scene and the braided line was in hundreds of knots. Dad set in the kitchen corner. One day it disappeared and returned several days later with all the knots worked out. Otto had taken it home and patiently worked on it until it was back to normal. I fished for perch with that old steel rod for several years.

The Catholic schools in the city didn’t have kindergarten, so I started school about a mile away at Park Elementary School. Since my mother didn’t drive and the one car we had was needed for transport to work, I walked to kindergarten. My teacher, Miss Freeland, was very young and pretty and I liked everything about school except the naps, which I faked.

In first grade I walked to St. Mary’s with my cousins and had a little squat nun for a teacher. She was overdue for retirement and was at the end of her rope. She spent most of the day screaming at us, and I was alternately terrified and pissed off. I remember that I had to learn to write my name, and though I was already reading quite well, the prospect of a nine-letter last name was daunting. I finally realized it was three sets of three letters “Ost row ski” and learned to write it that way. The one thing I learned from first grade was that people weren’t always nice to you, and they had their own problems. That fact was proven to me several times in my academic career, and in later life. Sometimes when you’re made to feel a failure, the failure is in someone who doesn’t know themself.

We bought our first house in 1954 when I was seven. It turned out to be our last house since both my parents died there: Dad in 1986 and Mom in 1996. It was a new house and I loved it. It was only two bedrooms but had a full basement where I could play in in bad weather. In September I started second grade at Queen of All Saints School.

Naming the Woods

When I was about seven, we moved into the suburbs from an apartment in the city, and I was to begin at St. Michaels in the fall. I left everyone I knew and was surrounded by everyone I didn’t. I was an island no matter what Donne would say. I was shy, only child and never made friends easily. Faced with the opportunity to meet new kids, I would instinctively go the opposite direction. In my college years I heard Paul Simon sing that “a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries.” That was the primary rule I operated on at seven, and even much later. In fact, I never really discounted that there was safety in solitude. The best feature of our new house was that it was across the street from the woods. Joy’s Woods, so named for the factory that owned it, became a playground for my overactive imagination. Looking back to that seventh summer, I knew the woods needed a better name, and the naming became my goal for the summer.

After bolting down my breakfast cereal, I’d dash across our street past the houses on the other side, down the dirt extension of Elmer Street that would someday be paved, and to the dirt of Jackson Street that formed the western border of the woods, in about 4 minutes flat; and I’d entered another world. I’d jog down Jackson to a faint track that had once led eastward to what was left of a small farmhouse. That road was the front door to the Woods, and it terminated in a stone foundation surrounded by rose bushes some long ago farmer had planted to brighten up his summers. We got a lot of rain in Indiana, so the roses continued to thrive without the help of man.

My days in the woods were solitary as far as people were concerned but I was seldom alone. It all started under the huge old Maple that I called the Library Tree because I would sit in a comfortable junction of limbs and read the books that I checked out from the public library. One day I notice a bird’s nest blown down by a storm with four eggs in it and I found it what seemed like a likely spot in the Maple that I could keep and eye on. The next day it was being tended by a pair of bright red cardinals. The male landed near me on a branch and chattered away seeming to acknowledge my assistance. Even after the brood had hatched, he continued to check on me daily as if he enjoyed my company. I don’t know what he called me in bird language, but I called him Horatio after one of my favorite fictional heroes.

Horatio must have told everyone he knew about me, because suddenly I began receiving regular visits from a squirrel named Simon, a cotton tailed rabbit named Harvey, and a beautiful female red fox named, of course, Lucy. One day, three older kids entered the Woods. I saw them from the Library Tree and got a chance to be a courier de bois, trailing a bunch of rival trackers. I made sure that I wasn’t seen and followed them to the south meadow before they wandered away again. I noticed Lucy had joined me, foxes are curious, and seemed to enjoy the game too. I read that the courier’s where the first white men to come to these parts to hunt and trap, and they got along well with Great Lakes tribes like the Chippewa, Ottawa, and the Pottawatomi who had several villages in the area around my town. In my mind, I was the friend of the Pottawatomi.

There were three meadows in the Woods separated by strips of forest and formed a rough u-shape of waving native clumps of grass. One surrounded the abandoned foundation and ran north and south, and I guessed it was the cleared fields of the folks who had planted the roses. The second ran at a rough right angle to the first from west to east and it could be seen from the Library Tree. I didn’t know who had wrestled it from the trees. Almost at parallel on the other side of the woods, the third meadow was a bit longer to the east and looked like it was a natural space. Around and between the meadows was the ancient hardwood forest with maples, oaks, beech, elms, hickories, sycamores, and tulip trees.

One afternoon, I was reading a Classics Comic of Treasure Island aloud to Horatio, who sat on the same branch and seemed to enjoy the sound of my voice. He cocked his red head to one side and seemed to be concentrating. We were about four rims from the ground. A rim was my chosen unit of vertical measurement in basketball crazy Indiana. Everybody could visualize ten feet. The sunny day began to change as a fog built up to the north and began creeping across the meadow toward the Library Tree. Horatio seemed on alert for some reason and anxiously stared at the fog bank. Suddenly a man walked out of the fog and pointed at me in the maple. He had long black hair and was dressed in dark deer skin trousers and loose long-sleeved shirt. From my height in the tree, he seemed small, but I couldn’t be sure. He motioned for me to come down, and I began the climb. If I had been older, I wouldn’t have been so quick to trust a stranger the middle of the woods; but seven is a trusting age and caution is often trumped by curiosity. Horatio suddenly found something else to attend to.

The fog continued to swirl into the trees as he waited for me to descend. I was facing him when I dropped from the lowest branch. He really was small, not more than up to my waist, with a dark weathered face and wild hair down to the middle of his back. I was startled, but something in his look convinced me not to be afraid. He motioned again and set off through trees toward the natural meadow. I followed and the mist seemed to go with us. He never spoke, and so far, I hadn’t either. When we reached the meadow he stopped, and the fog seemed to get denser. The little man clapped his hands and fog rose to reveal another older meadow. A clear stream flowed down the center of a village of perhaps forty shelters made of sticks and covered in bark. Several cooking fires burned, and perhaps forty people of varying ages were going about the business of life. They were dressed like the little man in deer skins and homespun clothes. As we watched they suddenly froze in place like a diorama in a museum. A tall man with graying hair was the only one moving; his hair was tied back, and three feathers were angled down from a knot of his hair on his neck. One was brown that I didn’t recognize but later found that it came from a Wild Turkey, the white one looked like an eagle’s, and the shiny black feather was a Raven’s. He looked straight at me and raised his hand in greeting. As the hand came down the fog closed in again and quickly vanished. The little man was gone, and the sun shown on the meadow I knew. I sat down on the dry grass I thought about what I had seen. I had some research to do tonight.

After supper I started with my second-hand set of the World Book which was missing Volume K. I had gotten adept at working around K. The first thing I looked up was Indian folklore involving little people. Almost all the tribes talked of them and seemed to regard them with a mixture of affection and caution. They had many different names, but the Algonquins who the Potawatomi were descended from, called them Pukwudgie. The word roughly means “little wild man of the woods”. They were generally friendly but were easily offended and had powerful magical abilities. You only saw a Pukwudgie when they wanted you to see them. This was all I needed to believe in them; a seven-year-old doesn’t doubt what he’s seen. I never did get to be a skeptic.

As for the Potawatomi, there had been a summer village near the lake called the Crescent Moon due to the shape of the pond it was beside. Living near the lake would be hard in the winter with the winds and storms coming down from the north, I couldn’t find any mention of a winter campsite, but I suppose it could be in the south meadow. I fell asleep dreaming of Pukwudgie’s and Pottawatomi’s and magic.

The next morning one of our famous summer rains began with the water falling so thickly that the other side of the street was hard to see. It rained furiously for three days like there was a continuous vertical canal between the Lake Michigan and the little city we lived in. I knew the animals in the woods would be laying low and I used the time to read every bit of info from the references and cross-references in the World Book minus K. One thing I found out that the Pottawatomi were in an old alliance with other Algonquin descended tribes the Chippewa and the Ottawa. The Pottawatomi were designated the keeper of the council fire. I assumed that a Pottawatomi village location was an important place because the council fire was important.

I was sitting on the front porch cursing the third day of rain, when our new neighbor Bill pulled into his driveway. He was a history professor at the Indiana-Purdue Extension out by the Toll Road. He came over and sat on the porch next to me and we commiserated about the weather. He and is wife had recently moved up from Terre Haute which means dry land. At seven I understood irony when I stumbled on it, even if I didn’t know the word yet. I decided to tell him about my theoretical village, and he said that he’d like to see the site. He didn’t have any morning classes the next day so we agreed to meet at 8:30 rain or shine so I could show him the woods.

The sun came up brightly the next day and steam was rising over the meadows as we walked through the wet grass. Through the steam I thought I saw a small figure, but I didn’t mention it to Bill who didn’t seem to notice. When we reached the third meadow, Bill stepped on a broken piece of pottery with part of a design on it. He took off his Purdue sweatshirt and wrapped the broken piece in it. Then, I noticed something shining in the grass. When I picked it up, Bill said it was a spearhead. In no more than twenty minutes, his sweatshirt held more that thirty “artifacts” as Bill called them. We turned toward home soon because Bill said he had several phone calls to make. The result of our brief expedition was that the rest of the summer and to almost Halloween, the woods had its very own archeological dig. The animals and I spied on them nearly every day until I had to start school at St. Michael’s after Labor Day.

I found out later that that part of the woods had been sold to a developer who planned to put up thirty “affordable” houses. The combined Indiana – Purdue dig eventually that the Pottawatomi had moved to that camp every winter from around 1680 to nearly 1750 when Indiana was the Northwest Territory. The archeologists covered up the excavations and left the land about like I first saw it that summer. They did build a small parking lot for about six cars and the intersection of Woodland and Coolspring. A short walking path led to the meadow where the state historical society placed an historical marker.

Winter Camp
This is the site of the winter camp of the
Pottawatomi Turtle Clan used from
1620 to 1750. The camp was discovered and
excavated by archeologists from Indiana
University in 1952 after being discovered
by James Lisak of Michigan City.

I’m James, by the way, and though I visited the woods several times before I grew up and left for college, I never saw the little wild man again. Some people still called the land Joy’s Woods, some called it the Winter Camp Woods, but I knew the real name was Puckwudgie’s Woods. Also, by the way, on the morning I got into my five-year-old Dodge Dart to drive down to Muncie and begin school, I was feeling the old seven-year-old blues about the sad fact that I didn’t know a soul at Ball State. I settled into the driver’s seat and caught site of something on the passenger: three feathers; a Raven, Wild Turkey, and an Eagle. I smiled all the way to Muncie.